Hey Friends,
I don't even know where we left off in my updates. The days are slow but the weeks go by fast! As some of you have heard, I went to Salt Lake City and to Texas to check out some new, alternative treatments. I was gone from May 20 - June 21. Some treatments helped, some did not, but we learned a lot about the body and more natural ways to strengthen it, increasing it's ability to fight disease. I've been back home for a little over a month now, continuing my old treatments and adding new treatments that I've learned.
Despite our efforts, I have felt my body slowly deteriorating. My stomach has gotten a little bigger from the tumors. I can't gain any weight. My energy is so low, it's hard to get out of bed some days. These are not signs of getting better. Therefore we got a new CT scan and our fears were confirmed. Over the last 2 months, all my tumors have grown. We need to get more aggressive. My oncologist said that traditional chemo is off the table, as my body is too weak to handle it. However, they can administer a lower dose and lower the amount of drugs they would use for that treatment. With us still trying to avoid chemo, we are going with Plan B. Immunotherapy has it's risks, but less risky than chemo. And there are some great testimonies regarding the results.
So we will be doing a round of immunotherapy on Tuesday, August 4. One treatment every 3 weeks. We will give it a try and see how my body and the tumors react. We are hoping and praying this is the treatment that God uses to heal me. My oncologist said that at this point, I will die from this cancer. Their goal is to prolong my life as long as they can. I don't know if that's days, months, or years. But this was the first time anyone said that my cancer is terminal. I hadn't thought of that until now. I've always thought that healing was coming. Needless to say, the words hit hard, and for the next 5 days, my health went down significantly and I probably had mild depression. The power of positivity and the mind is amazing and can steer your health in any direction. This was last week.
This oncologist isn't God. How do they know if/when I'm going to die? What if God does step in and heals me? With God's help and the help of family, I've been trying to change my mindset with faith that God is bigger than this cancer, and death is not certain. I need to continue to fight and stay healthy. I think of Psalm 118:17-18 which says "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death."
As long as God wakes me up the next day, He has a plan for me. Yes, we updated our will, went over all finances, talk about the what-ifs, etc...but we are still trusting God and His timing. And prayer is still very much appreciated. Please pray wisdom as we move into bigger therapies. Prayer for strength that my body can handle these therapies. Prayer for my family as they navigate with us. Prayer for Desiree - full time mom and caregiver, watching her husband deteriorate daily. I can get around our house, with difficulty. But I have a cane for short distances, a wheel chair for longer trips, and a motorized scooter...this is mainly to be able to chase my kids outside and be somewhat involved in their lives. My chair is just about as fast as their power wheels.
We continue to be blessed by people as we go through this. From simple visits to dinners to prayer and donations, we are grateful for the community we have around us. God is faithful, merciful, compassionate, and just. No matter the outcome, we know God never changes and we can always call on and rely on Him.
