February 3 - New Diagnosis

Friends,

Someone told me I should keep a journal during this time. I don’t like to journal – never have. Then I realized this is similar. So I guess I am journaling - just on a public forum. Sorry for the long posts with lots of information. Easy to skip if you’d like to. Maybe this is more for me. Though I really appreciate those who are keeping up with genuine interest to keep their prayers relevant and ask for specific things.

I’ve used the term roller coaster for this journey, and I will keep referencing to that – especially with this post. I know you are praying every day for my family and I. It may sometimes feel like it’s getting old. It may feel redundant. I ask that you continue. We believe the power of prayer is effective. Throughout the Bible people cried out to God – over and over and over. Joseph waited 13 years from being sold into slavery until he was made overseer of Egypt. Paul spent 3 years in prison. And another 2 years under house arrest or being guarded during his ministry. How in the world did Job get by every day…? I bet they prayed a lot during this time. The bible says to “pray continually,” “pray in every situation,” “devote yourselves to prayer,” and “be faithful in prayer.”

I met last week with one of the doctors who would be performing the surgery. He told be how dangerous it was, and that I would not only have the tumors removed, but I’d lose my spleen, my gallbladder, and my left adrenal gland as well, as they are affected. I’d be at risk for blood clots, which could be deadly. But if everything went well, I’d be fine. Then I received a call yesterday.

They did another MRI and PET scan last week. The results are in. My tumors are growing – and at a rapid rate – even over the past 1-2 weeks. This, as well as another test they did, ruled out the slow growing “neuroendocrine tumor” they thought I had. This ruled out surgery, as if they removed the masses, they would come back just as fast. This ruled out me being OK at the end of this. They are now diagnosing me with adrenocortical tumors – stage 4. I believe the chances of getting this are 1 in a million. Lucky me. They would need to try to slow or stop the growth via chemotherapy (with Mitotane) before surgery would be an option. If they can’t slow the growth, then…I don’t know. I have a meeting with a new doctor this week to talk about the options and questions.

As you can imagine, I’m tired of the changing diagnoses. I’m tired of the emotional roller coaster. I’m tired of the uncertainty. With this one I have a very low chance of survival…if this is correct. I don’t know if it is. Will it change next week? My energy is waning. I can feel my faith wanting to subside. Am I lacking faith? Am I not trusting God enough? Do I not pray enough? Please keep praying – for us and for yourselves and for others. Sometimes I feel that’s all I have. That, my family, and God’s Word. Romans 5:3 says, “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” I’m still asking God to show me his plan. What is He accomplishing through this? Why me? I’d love to add this to my testimony for the rest of a long life to tell others about our God and help more people come to know Him. Maybe we can minister to others going through tough times. I need to be around for that to happen. 2 Corinthians 1:3 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

My “PTLs” have seemed few these days. Although my 3 best friends flew into town and surprised me for 2 days of hanging out. This happened after spending all day in a cancer hospital with people all around me dying, and me asking God over and over why I was there. Their visit probably kept some depression from creeping up inside me and let me remember what being normal was like again. I really appreciated that visit. I needed it. Desiree is still amazing, keeping the family together, keeping the house in order, and picking up my slack. I love her more than ever. She’s a strong woman of God and the best mom ever. I pray for Strength, physically and spiritually; Faith to trust God 100%; Hope that God is completely in control and has a plan for my life that goes beyond this. I will be getting a second opinion from Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Just starting to get that ball rolling. We will see. Biopsy tomorrow. Meet with new doctor later this week. Try to get CTCA all my info so they can give me their opinion. Will probably fly to one of their centers within the next couple weeks. I will update when I have more. My family and I appreciate you all so much.